Saturday, March 20, 2010

Strong Work

It has been a long two weeks since I stumbled across Henry Thorne’s comments on Jim Parinella’s blog, and many people have been working very hard ever since, reading, thinking, and discussing while trying to make sense of the situation at hand. I’m sure some of you are thinking, “enough already,” but I’m afraid we’re not done yet.

Still, given the effort already expended, and the fact that we’re really not even all that close to the destination, it seems a brief respite is in order. We need some time to rest our brains, catch our breath, and recharge our batteries. And yet, I really don’t want to lose the thread of the discussion, lest we find it hard to reacquire when it’s time to get back to business. So how can we do that?

Story time! Actually, this idea was inspired by Nathan’s story, which I have lovingly titled, “The Roller Pull or The Pussy.” As our respite, but as a way to stay focused on the task at hand, the combination of skills, accomplishments, championships, and heinous, indefensible acts of cheating that have made me the most polarizing, distasteful, and inappropriate candidate for the UPA HoF in its insignificant history, you are all being invited to share your personal stories of my ultimate ways.

Right here, in a comment, just as Nathan did, tell your story about Kenny Dobyns. Yes, since I allow anonymous posting to my blog, you can remain anonymous, just as the anonymous cheating accuser(s) did. Yes, since Henry and others within the Hall of Fame hierarchy have made it clear that my blog is fair game as “evidence” to be considered in evaluating my candidacy, you can have an impact on the process. And no, since there is no way to verify it, your story doesn’t even have to be true. There is one requirement, however, and that is that you have to tell it the way you remember it. Be faithful to your recollection, however flawed, drug and drink addled, or motivated by long simmering bias or jealousy as it may be. Tell it like you think saw it, without fear of recrimination, reprisal, or, the worst possible outcome of all, the risk of losing friendships. Have no fear that your anonymity will be revealed. You will forever be wrapped in the safe and snuggly warmth of the security blanket provided by Henry “Protector of the Anonymous” Thorne.

Rest easy, raconteur, and let the words flow freely.

This should be fun.


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

That post was classic!!!!

stebs said...

Wow. Of all of the artfully written posts on the subject (and I have read every last one of them), the above offering from Japan rivals any of them; it is incredible in so many ways.

I think the line that sums it up best is: "We offended, but we forgive."

Anonymous said...

speaking of being offended.....would such mockery be considered at all offensive to asians in general?

Anonymous said...

if anybody is interested i got that whole deleted post, word for word. that goes for you too there kd. of course i wouldnt think a literary head like dobyns would throw out a treasure like that without making a copy. Now he may have not liked what some of it said but i seriously doubt he himself was offended......but, i can see him thinking deleting the post might be the approprite thing to do. then again he may have just felt that that one post would be a serious distraction from him milking out this whole hof issue that has obviously overtaken his being.

but if this thread picks back up and people actually do start coming along with various "stories" about ken, i'll gladly add a few of my own.

one thing i dont really understand is why henry thorn was so willing to talk trash on jim p's blog about kd, and even called out for ken to partake, yet when ken offered countless opportunities for said discourse (even toad free discourse) henry is no where to be found.

nearlyanonymous said...

very interested in that deleted post

kd said...

I absolutely would never have discarded anything so brilliant as that initial post, and while I am not surprised that someone brought up the possibility that it might have been offensive to someone, that is not why I deleted it.

Deleted isn't even the right word. I archived it because, while very funny, it really didn't conform to the instructions, and I felt that leaving it there might not allow the thread to "pick back up" as someone put it.

It will reappear in time, I assure you. It's simply too good not to.

As for Henry, while I am loath to think for him or his HoF colleagues (not to mention doing so requires me to dumb it down a few more notches than I think myself capable), I suspect that the decision to refrain from engaging in this dialogue was not entirely his own.

Now, as for the stories, the honest truth is that I find stories such as Nathan's quite amusing, and more often than not I don't even remember doing half the shit people tell me about after the fact. I thought it would be a good way to break the monotony of continuing to point out all the ways in which the HoF process is flawed.

But if no one is going to participate, I guess I'll just get back to the business of detailing the series of questionable decisions made by members of the HoF and the HoF committee, decisions that led to actions that were at best misguided and at worst malicious.

That is, unless somebody wants to tell a good story instead.

Corey said...

Super Bowl 1998. Party in Westchester and it’s a regular who’s who of NY ultimate players. Our party host has invited us all to her house and we’re having a great time (and my Broncos won!). Kenny puts together, in classic Kenny form, something way more in depth than just regular old number squares for gambling. He created an entire questionnaire about the upcoming Super Bowl. He makes three questions out of the coin flip alone (who will win, what will they call, will it be heads or tails). So many questions, encompassing the entire game (first team to score, first person to score, running or receiving for first TD, team leading at halftime, questions about the half time show, etc. etc.). I don’t remember exactly, but there were something like 5 pages of questions. There were also 30+ people at the party and just about everyone did a $10 questionnaire. It seemed to me the best school teacher in the world would need at least two hours to grade these things, and this was years before Kenny’s teaching days. But, focused multi-tasker that he is, Kenny watches the game, socializes, drinks many beers, cheers a lot for the exciting game, and while he is doing all these things, he’s simultaneously grading all the forms with his bright red pen.

I’m pretty sure he made up most of the questions himself. My favorite: Will the first player interviewed after the game thank God (heathen game MVP John Elway did not mention God, fyi).

So the party is wrapping up. Game ended, the Lombardi Trophy is resting safely with the Broncos. Downing their last drinks, everyone looks at Kenny as he finishes grading the last of the quizzes, waiting with baited breath for the winner.

And the proclamation from Kenny, “I won.”

With $300+ dollars up for grabs and Kenny having done 100% of the work to make this happen, the drunks in the room guffaw loudly. “Oh, wow. You graded everyone single one of those and YOU were the winner? What a shocker, Kenny.”

Kenny thrusts the pile of papers into the face of the closest doubter. “Feel free to check them all over. I didn’t see you volunteer to help grade them during the game. But I’m happy to watch you check my work.”

Bluff officially called on everyone who was grousing, the complaining at that point turned into congrats. And then KD spend the money on his friends anyways. He used his game winnings to help rent the WSW Winnebago.

Anonymous said...

henry thorne may be a robot.

parinella said...

Regarding HoF voters lack of comments, kd asked for first-hand accounts.

I don't have any great, long accounts, just snippets, and somewhat self-aggrandizing at that.

As a relative unknown playing with MGUS in West Palm in spring of 1991, I get two diving blocks on passes to Ken. He graciously congratulates me and asks me my name. Flustered, I tell him, then say, "What's yours?"

Semis, 1995, epic battle between DoG and Cojones. As I throw the winning goal around Ken's mark, as the disc is still in the air, he says, "Great throw" or "Great game" or "congratulations".

Some random game, somewhere, not even sure which team I was on, our teams are having a just-somewhat heated argument, and Ken interjects, "Are you out of your f&#**& mind?"

In 2007, we were trying to convince him to play Masters with us through the fall. We keep hearing no, but aren't sure if it's age or old rivalries or what. Finally, at the end of a long conversation, I ask him one last time and press him for exactly why. "Do you really want to know? Ok. I would NEVER play with Boston. EVER. NEVER. {pause). EVER."

ddawg said...

Jimmy's last story reminded me of KD's 2001 inscription in the birthday card to then women's player of the moment (year?) and US representative to the inaugural appearance of ultimate as a medal event in the World Games, Heidi Pomfret:

"I never, ever liked you. Except maybe that once. a little"

And writing this humorous and somewhat complimentary story reminds me of another less complimentary one:

Same year, KD has picked up with the US World Games team for Potlatch. Finals pits the US and CAN worlds games teams against each other. A long one goes up, I think to Kenny, with his defender, who is out of position. VY Chow peels off the back with a better angle and a better read than both of them to make a play on it.

Kenny, looking over the other shoulder, runs into her pretty hard and being the dorm-room sized fridge that he is lays her out flat. The disc falls to the ground as VY's teammates come onto the field to check on her (she sustained a concussion and did not return). Several minutes later, but before she has been helped to her feet, Kenny approaches and says "You understand I have to call a foul there..."

I think KD is a great player and well spoken (though I don't think I've ever spoken with him) and deserves a spot in the HOF if not better treatment with regards to his integrity as a player. But I'm still a bit upset that he plowed over my wife and called a foul on her.

beatty said...

may 1995 baltimore. my first tourney with nyc and the cojones crowd; pk actually played this tourney. just after half of the first game, ken says: okay, who's taking the pull? i say, i'll take it. and ken returns: you think so, genious?

Anonymous said...

"I'll back up my truck full of trophies and dump 'em all right here." -- said at a night practice to shut up Brion Winston in regards to something foolish he was saying.

Wide open rookie in middle of field wants the disc. Starts yelling "I got nothing" to get Kenny's attention. KD comes off the field and talks for about 10 minutes about how the kid really did have nothing, but it was all in regards to his life off the field. "He's got nothing alright."

Anonymous said...

initial Japan post reappear now please. nothing else entertaining going on this blog.

Jesse said...

Spring 1992, early season tournament at Lum's Pond, Delaware.

I am a second-year guy trying to carve out a role on Graffiti, the second-fiddle NYC team. We're playing NYNY, I'm covering KD. I had played against him a few times, but had no reason to think he knew who I was. It's April; no one is in shape, and both teams are slinging disks all over the field. During a sloppy, 12-minute point with 3 or 4 turnovers on each side, I find myself on offense at the back of the stack on a reset. There's KD, hands on his knees, out of breath and ready to hurl. He looks up at me and says, "Just don't roach me, Jess." After I get past my astonishment that he even knew my name, I take off for a 30-yard gain and then throw a goal, pocketing the easiest money I would ever take off the guy.

-Jesse Kalb